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i bite


I'd love to make more time to write without shame or pressure. Today I started with joyful music, then a small spat, then lovely tea-drinking, then a sunny walk with everything well again. After lying on a couch for an hour, after drawing out a delicious continental lunch with cheese and fruit from the market that is literally next door, and listening to music, and reading up on not-that-much, I'm writing again.

So what's been going on recently? Well, I went to the dentist for the first time in twelve years. And, well, I need ten fillings. The dentist, who can only seem to mutter 'very, very bad...' when he peers into my mouth seems to hate me and my sad decaying mouth. As someone who brushes my teeth twice a day and occasionally flosses, this is confusing.

I've not found a suitable running route and I've joined the local, council-owned gym. The half-mile jog to St. James's park is interrupted countless times by unconscious tourists leisurely soaking in the...fumes of the massive roundabout? But back to gyms; they are freakish and monstrous things, deliciously post-human, and traumatically repetitive. People are moving meat. The men are frightening thick-necked, thick-armed demi-humans with violently focused eyes. It's hard to get over its absurdity. And then, as what usually happens with running, you get lost and find a new space in your own music, no doubt looking as material and repulsive as everyone else.

I begun this post thinking I had a lot to write, a lot to say, a lot to spill, a lot to vomit out. But, for now, I am calm.